I bring da heat like

Aww yeah, I be all up in this intrawebz bitch showing off my swagg or something. You don't wanna step to this motherfuckers. Why? 'Cuz I be like da champ of this rough shit and I will rawr if you do - no! I will rawrstorme! Okay... enough of that ridiculous DJ Hipp-esque unintelligent trash. On with the ownage!

So at ‘A Night to Remember’, the grandest show of the year for CGS’ fans and wrestlers, the unlikely underdog The Witty Twat epic failed in his quest to defeat the CGS World Heavyweight Champion Steve Storme aka I. For those moronic enough to miss ‘A Night to Remember’, I hit The Witty Twat with the Rawrstorme superkick to retain my precious belt and leave him slurping liquidised food through a straw for at least three days. Nobody thought The Witty Twat had a hope in hell of defeating me – well, nobody with any sense what so ever. I didn’t take me long to beat The Witty Twat into an unresponsive state and when my boot met his face, I shot his main event push dead.

You see, that’s what I do: I kill dreams and aspirations. It’s selfish, I know, but you only have to look at my list of wrestling accomplishments to see that putting yourself first can work very well – if you have the sufficient talent. Black Dagger Luke McCoy is a kid with nothing going for him: a total loser. He somehow got a contract at CGS, I assume they needed some more punching bags, and then did something nobody ever expected he could do: he won the CGS Title. Now this isn’t the CGS World Heavyweight Title which is the most coveted belt in this promotion’s history, a belt which I have held two times as well as right now. No – this was Livewire’s strap which was held by the likes of The Bazz, Black Dagger Luke McCoy and ‘Stunning’ David Sykes. I know what you’re thinking and yes they do all suck.

Anyway, Black Dagger lived out his childhood dream and stood with the top title on his brand above his head. He defeated the nearly as untalented Bazzinator in a truly awful match which received some of lowest ratings in company history, and so become the top man, something he’d imagined for years and years as he struggled up the ladder to stardom. And then what happened? Well he lost the belt to ‘Stunning’ David Sykes, who while far from good was a lot better than Dagger, and faded into obscurity. When Jimmy DeMarco restarted CGS and two brands (Adrenaline & Carnage) were merged into one (Fusion), Black Dagger’s warped delusional little mind had somehow picked up the idea that he could take back his position as the champ.

He seemed to forget that Livewire had one of the worst rosters of all-time with practically no one the fans gave a damn about. He seemed to forget that the likes of Steve Storme and Dash Blade, CGS Hall of Famers, now competing on the same brand as him. Terrifying for the little fucktard, I know. He probably pissed his Batman pants when he arrived and saw his name opposite mine on the card. I smashed that clown Leon Caprice for the title so bad he lost every match afterwards before Jimmy DeMarco fired his worthless ass. So I felt like a laugh and put the belt on the line the next week against none other than Black Dagger Luke McCoy. The result will go down in history as the quickest match in CGS history: 3.9 seconds. I humiliated Dagger and exposed just how much he failed to the unknowing world.

But now he’s back... with a vengeance! Black Dagger is understandably mad I obliterated him in record time but going after a man who squashed you like a small insect and has the ability to do it again doesn't seem like a wise move. Then again, Black Dagger has the intelligence of a small insect...

Wade Wilson, what are you even doing in this match? I mean, I can understand why Chris Brown wanted to gain some revenge on ‘Supernova’ Steve Storme after me and Dashy B totally ruined the Bonafide Bitch Slappers one-night comeback. But why on earth did he choose you? I guess he saw you were the Fusion Champion and figured you’d be somewhat effective against me. He was wrong. If Chris Brown had any ounce of intelligence, he’d realise from the Fusion Title track record that the champion is more often than not a tedious failure void of any talent. Dash Blade was the only Fusion Champion who could match up to the best in this fed, he’s in the CGS Hall of Fame for a reason. Seth Omega, Massimo Fedireechi and Wade Wilson: all tedious failures void of any talent. I can’t understand why but you’re on the Saturday Night Fusion banner and it’s a disgrace to the promotion me and Dashy B made famous. You’re up there on the same level as two CGS Hall of Famers and quite frankly it just shows up quite how far below our level you truly are.

Wade Wilson, you sit round on your therapists couch whining on about your life as an outcast loser with no friends: who gives a shit? I don’t want to watch this crap when I turn on TV and I’m sure the same goes for every other wrestling fan on this planet. Boo hoo, Wade Wilson is the CGS equivalent of DXX’s social screw-up Daniel Graver. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you? You abandoned your only pal and left him for the police to arrest. Wow Wade, what a class act you are. You take your video camera along to your psychiatry sessions and then declare through poorly-acted sobs that your life was oh so hard and how you regret screwing over that Ashburn guy. Yet you do nothing about it. Instead of turning yourself in, seeking out Ashburn and apologizing: you do nothing. You’d rather sit back in the safety of an office and cry your heart out to some ‘professional’ who in your foolishness, think can sort out all your problems.

Wade I’m not even going to waste anymore time ripping your self-confidence to shreds in this blog because quite frankly I think it’s already at an all-time low even without the usual Steve Storme blog of pwn for his opponents. Most pro wrestlers are out of their alcoholic minds with a disgustingly large ego which is far greater than their level of talent. Wade Wilson however may act all cocky in some of his promos, act like he’s some rebellious punk with an attitude and something to prove, but really he’s just a sad broken man who would have probably cocked a gun to his head and pulled the trigger if he lost at ‘A Night to Remember’. Although may I just remind him that beating Massimo Fedireechi, a man I’ve destroyed on three occasions, is no big deal but I would sympathize with Wade feeling suicidal if he did lose to Massimy.

But yeah, Chris Brown screwed up by choosing Wade Wilson to fight in this match. Even if I hadn’t picked up the phone, dialled my buddy Kyle Evers’ number and just gone out to the right alone for a handicap match, Breezy would have screwed up with that choice. Wade Wilson just isn’t in my league. There’s a reason he’s spent so long hovering around the mid-card, winning a match, losing a match, failing to win a title, winning a title: he’s not that good. Wade’s so godamn inconsistent you see. While ‘Supernova’ Steve Storme has gone fifteen matches unbeaten since my glorious return from Hollywood and my tag team partner Kyle Deathlocke is four and 0, Wade Wilson shoots his own momentum dead when he takes an embarrassing loss to someone like Jay Brooks.

Anyway, on to the man that Chris Brown has handpicked from DXX specially for this match: Tristagi. Now, when I look at Tristagi’s list of accomplishments on DXX (World Champion, Universe Champion, DXX Tag Team Champion, Universe Tag Team Champion, Hardcore Champion etc), I’m very impressed. His track record looks great, even in comparison to one as awesome as mine on CGS, although he does lack a Hall of Fame place. And then I think, if this guy had some fucking motivation, he’d have won twice as much as he had by now. Now don’t get me wrong, of course he had some drive to work out and win the belts he has, but it’s taken him like three years and he vacates half the belts he wins because he can’t handle the pressure of being champion. It’s frustrating to see because Tristagi is a phenomenal wrestler, no doubt about it. Me and him even have a tag team, Tha Heatz/heat World order, which is why I was surprised to see he accepted Chris Brown’s offer.

But that’s cool, he was probably offered a lot of cash to take me out the game, and I realise its all business. I’m not going to whine like a snivelling little brat (yes, Seth Omega, I mean you) who can’t get his own way if by some chance Chris Brown and his goons *do* put me on the shelf as they claim they will. They won’t, let’s be honest. Chris Brown can go to OWW Takedown and get Ryan Evans, Creed Carnage and whoever else he wants and The X-Rated Horror Show would own. He can back to DXX and beg the General Managers for help, coming back with Shad Moss, E-Man and if we’re lucky that pathetic egotistical piece of shit Dick Jockey Hipp. The result will stay the same: me and Evers win. The X-Rated Horror Show is a dream team you see, a partnership of two of the most arrogant, overbearing, vulgar, rude and of course awesome individuals to enter the ring. We’re pretty much unbeatable, in CGS anyway. When you put the CGS Superstar of the Year 2008 and perhaps the best of all-time on the same team, there shouldn’t be any doubt in any sane mind that they’ll take victory with relative ease unless matched against the very few who can compete with them legitimately. This is perhaps the greatest tag team in the history of anything. You can almost hear the smarky fanboys cream their pants.

Let’s just look over Evers’ achievements for a minute – oh no, that’s impossible because even a glance would take ages and I have a life. He’s probably won more than everybody else in this match put together! Seriously now he’s the man. I talk myself up a lot but I *can* recognize when there’s someone who could and probably would beat me in a match. Kyle Evers is part of that one percent that I wouldn’t shatter to pieces in a match. When I heard that Chris Brown had bribed his way into the guest General Manager spot (DeMarco you’re a greedy bastard) and had booked Steve Storme and a partner of my choice against Wade Wilson & Tristagi... I wasn’t *that* concerned at all. I figured I’d call up Danny Storme or something and we’d kick some ass together as a brotherly bonding experience. But as good as Danny is, he isn’t quite good enough to overcome Wade Wilson, Tristagi and a scheming bias special referee in the form of Chris Breezy.

So I thought to myself, who should I choose to *really* pwn these motherfuckers? I mean, I know I could probably win the match by myself anyway but I didn’t just want to scrape a victory, I wanted to absolutely decimate my opposition and stick two fingers up in Chris Brown’s face. So I thought short and soft, I could pick anyone from my second family The Brotherhood, but me and Evers hadn’t teamed since ‘Jump Into The Fire’ (where we pwned one of our opponents this week Wade Wilson, as well as the lazy useless sack of shit otherwise known as B-Noosh) and he is the king of both verbal and physical pwnage. So I called him up and thankfully he was keen to join me in the utter annihilation of Chris Brown and his goons. Yes, I did just admit that if I get the chance I will superkick Breezy’s weak jaw and leave him wiping blood off his hideous clothing. Chris Brown, style’s arch nemesis!

Chris, your turn to be owned via the wondrous internet (providing geeks with masturbation material since ninety seven... or something). The way you strut round like you’re not a weedy little pussy and diss girls makes me question whether you’ve even got laid. I mean, I know you were dating Rihanna but perhaps she never spread her legs and *that’s* why you’re so damn pissed off towards the female sex. Don’t get me wrong, they can be annoying as Daniel fucking Graver but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna change the pitch up, smack my bitch up. Were you abused as a child, scared to smile, they called you ugly? I don’t even care. I don’t want to listen to another sob story, I’ve already heard Wade Wilson’s. Just know that the more you diss girls, the more the world questions your sexuality.

I be bored of the pwn session now ‘cuz I already read Kyle Evers’ and it was so fucking badass that mixed together with mine there’s a high chance our opponents won’t even show up due to the sheer utter fear of facing off against The X-Rated Horror Show after we’ve battered their egos with steel baseball bats. Peace out motherfuckers!

End transmission.