'if that doesn't get you the gold, then I don't know what will' - Inah

Steve Storme and the Syndicate of Sexy present: Something Special Volume I

Word Count: 2,881
Profanity: Frequent
Seriousness: Lacking
Entertainment: Naturally
Notes: All killer, no filler

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Part I: Hello

Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Steve Storme and I just wanted to say hello. It’s so nice to meet you. It’s been a long time. I’m sorry I’ve been away so long making a smash hit movie but don’t worry: I’m back. Remember that I never meant to leave you. Tell all your friends; tell your brother, mother, gay lover, whoever. Just spread the word because I don’t want to come out to audience apathy on Fusion. I’ve changed my entrance music from ‘Slam’ by Pendulum so they might not know it’s me unless you let everyone know. Leon Caprice has that silence thing whenever he walks out. He must feel really bad when that happens, like a total loser. I guess reality bites for most people. It probably bites for you my friends, it probably sucks more dick than Jenna Haze compared to mine. Oh wait; I’m sowwy guys, that was just me being mean. I do that a lot but you’ll get used to it, it’s just how I am. I didn’t mean any harm; all I wanted to do was say hello. And if you’re hot, female and ain’t menstruating then my little friend also wants to say hello...

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Part II: Dr. East

Dr. East
Hi Steve, how are you today?

Steve Storme
I’m feeling okay, a little anxious.

Dr. East
Why’s that? You’re being discharged today.

Steve Storme
Yeah, I know, I just haven’t found a sponsor yet and...

Dr. East
Don’t worry about that, you’re a busy guy with all that CGS wrestling stuff. I understand.

Steve Storme
Well, I do plan on finding one. I need to attend these meetings y’know?

Dr. East
Oh well they aren’t compulsory.

Steve Storme
Uhh, are you sure?

Dr. East
Steve I run the programme but truth be told, I can’t even remember half the steps anyway.

Steve Storme
Wait, what?

Dr. East
Well there’s so many of them.

Steve Storme
Uhhhh, okay. One thing, what do I do if there are people talking about Miley Cyrus around me?

Dr. East
Talk about her too.

Steve Storme
Hold up.

Dr. East
Talk about her too, take the edge off.

Steve Storme
To take the edge off? Dude, what the fuck?

Dr. East
What’s wrong Steve? Can’t handle that? Oh look what I have here, wanna watch some Hannah Montana with me? Remember that guy on Youtube who made that song about her, 'you make cardboard look cute'? Do ya? Huh?

Steve Storme
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

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Part III: 5pm

Steve Storme sits up in bed suddenly. His hair is messy and he looks worried. Can you blame him? He’s just had a nightmare about jailbait Miley. He glances round his penthouse bedroom, eyes wide open. He looks to his side and sees Rachel Bilson sleeping. He runs his hand down her soft back and then slips out of bed. He’s wearing boxers but slips on some baggy blue pants and a black Chelsea FC away shirt. He walks out the door and waits patiently for an elevator. Storme takes this to the ground floor where cameras and reporters are waiting for him. As soon as the lift doors open, he’s blinded by flashing lights. A woman rushes up to him holding a mic.

Reporter
Steve, how are you feeling?

Steve Storme
Pretty bad. That party last night was awfully crazy. I wish we’d taped it.

Reporter
Well actually someone did tape it...

The woman hands Steve a newspaper, already at the right page. Steve scans the article and the pictures. Apparently the Syndicate of Sexy brawled with some FMW guys who tried to gatecrash the party. They epic failed and ended up sleeping on the sidewalk, SOS knocked ‘em out cold. Oh and Steve Storme was snapped kissing several women, before retiring to bed with Rachel Bilson. Steve raises his eyebrows and laughs.

Steve Storme
Yep. It was one hell of a party.

Reporter
So Steve, on Fusion, you and Chad Jennings, 2 Headed Monster, managed to retain your CGS Tag Team Titles against Kevin Costner and Tya Kannelis. Your thoughts?

Steve Storme
Uhh. Well, I was pretty out of it for that match. Rachel Bilson’s a minx...

Reporter
Well you and Chad picked up the win nonetheless and the next night, you defeated Seth Omega in an epic 3/5 falls match. Some have been saying that bout was the decider to who the greatest legend in CGS history truly is.

Steve Storme
Yeah but those people are the same idiots who thought Jessica Simpson was actually singing the chorus in Eminem’s ‘We Made You’. Steve Storme and Dash Blade, collectively known as OD LP are the true legends of CGS. We run the show and it’s always been like that.

Reporter
What does OD LP mean?

Steve Storme
If I told you, I’d have to kill you.

Reporter
Are you threatening me Steve?

Steve Storme
Are you coming on to me lady?

The reporter looks confused and Steve turns to walk back to the elevator.

Reporter
Wait, Steve!

Steve turns round slightly, waiting to hear what she wants.

Reporter
What about this match with Leon Caprice? You had challenged Chris Jericho to a match had he won the World Heavyweight Title but he failed to do so, and General Manager Ella DeMarco has arranged Steve Storme vs. Leon Caprice with the gold on the line for Fusion.

Steve Storme
Well funnily enough hun, I actually knew all of that seeing as it concerns my career.

Reporter
Well how are you feeling about the match?

Steve Storme
Meh.

Reporter
Care to expand on this Steve?

Steve Storme
No.

Reporter
Don’t you have anything to say about Leon Caprice?

Steve Storme
Ugh fine, I’ll verbally rip him to pieces. Jeez, I only just woke up.

Reporter
Steve, it’s 5pm.

Steve Storme
And?

Reporter
Whatever, continue.

Steve Storme
Well let’s see, Leon Caprice is a former CGS Continental Champion. This is a belt he won after beating the likes of Black Dagger Luke McCoy and Black Dagger Luke McCoy. That was pretty much his only competition on the laughing stock of CGS that was Carnage. Then he lost the religious act, and the whole of the wrestling world breathed a huge sigh of relief. But then he started wearing makeup and maxi pads, developed some humour defect which meant he’d do this irritating laugh all the freakin’ time and the whole of the wrestling world breathed a huge sigh of despair. He only managed to get a World Title shot because Dashy B wanted to become a Grand Slam Champion so aimed his sights lower at the Fusion Title and I had a rematch stipulation for the tag straps. Well now OD LP are back with their eyes on the big prize and Leon Caprice is in the firing line. So I’m going to snatch his precious World Heavyweight Title to make it two reigns with the biggest belt CGS has to offer for the Uncrowned King of CGS and The Best in the Industry. We’ll see if he’ll be laughing like an idiot then. I reckon he will but who knows?

Reporter
Uhhh, isn’t it The Best in the Business?

Steve Storme
Don’t ever tell me how to say my catchphrases, fuck you lady.

Reporter
Right. Sorry Steve.

The woman rolls her eyes and steps back into the crowd. Steve smiles weakly for more pictures and a random dude in a black shirt walks up to him, with the collar up.

Shirt Guy
Hey Steve!

Steve Storme
Hi?

Shirt Guy
Do you remember me? We met in Denver? You said if I wrote to you, you would write back but you never did...

Steve Storme
Oh, my secretary didn’t send anything back?

Shirt Guy
What?

Steve Storme
Uhh, nothing. So yeah, what’s up?

Shirt Guy
I just wanted to say hi.

Steve Storme
Well you’ve done that now, so maybe time you went back to your mom’s house... and turn your collar down. You look like a dick.

The guy in the shirt walks away, with a grim look on his face. Steve chuckles to himself and walks back into the elevator, waving goodbye at the cameras sarcastically as the scene fades out.

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Part IV: Medicine Ball

The scene opens somewhere in a galaxy far far away. Steve Storme is leaning against the ropes of a CGS ring, dressed in baggy grey pants and a white vest, showing off his muscled arms. No need for an entrance to the ring here, everybody knows that that’s just filler to make RPs look longer. Whoops! Anyway, he’s got a mic in his hand. The fans are booing. On the opposite side of the ring is a man dressed in a Jedi outfit, with a plastic blue lightsaber. Alongside him is another man dressed up as a clown, with smeared makeup. He is laughing hysterically. Steve is giving them a look of confusion at what they are wearing and their general behaviour. He beckons them towards him.

Steve Storme
Come here.

The two guys move slowly towards Steve. Then suddenly the Jedi runs forward but straight into a superkick. The force cracks the skin on his forehead, blood trickling down onto his face. Steve chuckles to himself. The clown backs away now, nervous of an oncoming ‘Supernova’. Storme charges, taking him down with a clothesline. He then picks up the lightsaber and begins nailing the fallen clown with it. The Jedi gets up and Steve clotheslines him over the ropes. He then hits a Lightning Over London on the clown before springing up and raising the mic to his mouth. He is panting a little. The crowd are booing loudly, of course.

Steve Storme
Damn, I need to work out more. Anyway, this silly little clown and his sci-fi-con loving geek pal better get outta OD LP’s CGS. This is our house and there’s no place for these freaks unless it’s in the crowds watching the Syndicate of Sexy kick ass and win titles.

The clown is up to his knees. Steve lowers the mic and trots forward, booting the clown’s head and sending him to the mat again to the fans disappointment.

Steve Storme
So as I was saying: the Syndicate of Sexy is here to take over CGS. Me and Chad, the unstoppable 2 Headed Monster are already in possession of the CGS Tag Team Titles, my bro Dash Blade has the Fusion Title. There’s only the Ultraviolent and World Heavyweight Titles left to lay claim too. I’ll let Dash handle the UV because I think having more than two belts would be greedy, hehe.

Suddenly ‘Old Times’ Sake’ by Eminem featuring Dr. Dre begins playing and Steve Storme pulls his phone out of his pocket. He sighs after reading who it is and presses the device to his ear.

Steve Storme
Oh hey Billy-Ray. What’s up man? ... Right... okay... uh huh... okay... alright... hmmm... okay... look dude, me and Miley are just friends! I swear...

Steve crosses his fingers with a sly smirk on his face. The fans jeer loudly.

Steve Storme
Right... it was her idea to come to London! Seriously... the legal age limit in the UK is only 16? Dude, I had no idea... okay... right, see ya Billy-Ray.

Steve shakes his head and shoves his phone back into his pocket. He raises the mic again.

Steve Storme
Anyway, Leon Caprice, you’re going down to the mat for the three count and you ain’t coming back up for a long time, that’s a guarantee. This will be the match which sends your ass back to the lower-card where you belong. And as for all you fat ignorant sensitive little cry-babies who pay money to be insulted by superior human beings like the one addressing you now, I guess it’s time for you to hate me again! CGS is my medicine ball. You’re all in my medicine ball friends.

Storme throws his mic to the floor and raises an arm into the air with a big grin on his face. The fans are booing ridiculously loud, some are even chucking trash into the ring. Steve doesn’t seem to care in the slightest, in fact he’s delighted. Storme doesn’t do exits either, it seems as the scene fades out sparing you all the filler.

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Part V: Beth Storme

Steve, its Beth. I just got done watching over some of your recent promos with this Syndicate of Sexy group, and you gotta be fucking kidding me, I mean, this Miley Cyrus shit. You know she’s sixteen years old, right? And how do you expect to beat Leon Caprice when you don’t even train or work out? You go to parties every night, get high and then expect to win your matches? I don’t even have your back on this one Steve, no way am I joining this Syndicate of Sexy. I’m out.

’End message’

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Part VI: Must Be the Ganja

Every day I wake up, somebody else has got a problem with Storme. These guys all fed up because I’m still in the spotlight doing my thing after a couple years? I realise most of the wrestlers from the old days have fallen off, and some of these young guns are probably waiting in the wings to take centre stage. But I’m not done yet; I still got belts to win. It was OD LP who paved the way for these rookies; it was us who started this shit. Without me and Dashy B this whole organisation would have bombed by now. We made the money to sign all these haters; we got the fans to even bother buying a damn ticket. So after all of that, after all we’ve done these guys like Chris freakin’ Jericho should be showing us respect. Where’s the love? Men shouldn’t be jealous, that’s a female trait but these haters are all out for OD LP’s success and riches. It’s pathetic and will only send them further down the wrong path to being even more of a nobody than they already are. Why? Because if they piss off OD LP, we will come back harder than ever and make them all look like Luke McCoy does now. Then the fans will lose faith in them, the GM will realise they’re shizzle and they’ll be facing the likes of Jake Roberts on the Indy circuit in no time at all.

What the fuck is a Rew-Kin Jingo? I saw that name somewhere as I was scanning cards from when I was away making a blockbuster movie. Oh wait, hold up. Rew-Kin Jingo is that geek from the sci-fi-cons, the real life forty year old virgin who dresses up as his favourite Star Wars character and tries to pass himself off as a wrestler. Now if that isn’t sad enough, the twat is as cocky as they come too. I thought I was pretty egotistical but then I saw this Rew-Kin Jingo fucktard come out on Fusion and it just blew my mind. Apparently he went off back to FMW with his tail between his legs when he saw 2 Headed Monster decimate en route to the CGS Tag Team Titles and call his faggot ass out. At least he has intelligence, because I would go all-out on that piece of shit. So yeah, no loss for CGS there. He was a waste of space, and a waste of semen. Sorry Mister and Mrs Jingo but it’s true, your hormones were wasted on that little ego-whore.

Hmm, I’m bored. Let’s see what’s on TV, ooh, Rihanna. She was hotter with the long hair though. Why the fuck is she with Chris Brown? He was in CGS, wasn’t he? Ran out like Rew-Kin Jackoff when he heard I was coming home. Chris Brown, the Bonafide Bitch Slapper. I just don’t understand why he never slapped himself around. He’s the real bitch around here. Rihanna should be mine, I’m way better looking than that scrawny R’n’B pussyole. As much as I think Chris Jericho sucks, it was him carrying that BBS team. Chris Brown was just along for the ride, he couldn’t actually fight like a man, he just wanted to smack some hoes up. I know the feeling, but I just do it in the bedroom. Rihanna’s sexy, sexy enough to be in the Syndicate of Sexy. There’s too ways of getting in: either being hot, or being a badass. Let’s face it: Chad Jennings ain’t much of a looker, is he? No. Sorry Chad. Wait, why am I apologizing? He can’t read minds. I better smile at him and think of something else. Just in case. Dammit, Steve, get a hold of yourself. Nobody can read your mind but psychics, and Chad isn’t one of them. It must be the ganja, gotta get off that shit. Anyway: oh yeah, Rihanna. Mmmhmm. She’s mad-hot.

End RP... or is it? It is... for now.

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Steve Storme will return in: Something Special Volume II