We start off on what is clearly being taped using an old camcorder. Sitting in front of us on a couch is Mr. Tambourine Man. He’s smoking a cigarette.
Wade...my deepest apologies for not making our appointment last week. I feel awful man...really bad. But, you see, I like to make things interesting. Now that I’ve no-shown my first match, people are talking. Perhaps there’s something flaky about this guy? With a name like Mr. Tambourine Man, maybe he’s a little…off the wagon. Who is this fellow? I’ve already gotten emails with people asking me if I didn’t wrestle Wade Wilson because I’m afraid of him…
Mr. Tambourine Man pulls the ashtray on the table closer to him and taps on his cigarette.
You people care so much about me. You want to know I’m okay. How touching. Yet what perplexes me is you don’t even know me. Perhaps this is just the kind world we live in…I think not. When the average person sees a bird dead on the road, the thought might upset him, but quite frankly people are busy. Time is money and they can’t afford to dwell on these things. When was the last time you spent the entire night twisting and turning in bed because a beggar stopped you on the road? Sure I can bet you gave him a few bucks. It was probably an uneasy moment, but time went on, and it passed. I’ve been looking at wrestling forums buzzing about last week’s show…I saw my name precisely 2420 times and I have had no prior exposure on any big stage in wrestling. This really tells me something about the human psyche. Don’t get it? Let me explain it to you. None of you really care about me. Just like you don’t care about the beggars of the world or the dead animals. You’re all after one thing…that’s pleasure. The reason why I’m of so much interest to you is because I feed into your vices.
Mr. Tambourine Man scratches his neck.
What gets you off? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that drama gets wrestling fans off. You love it when one man hates another. You live it when one person is so determined to win the big match that he’d go through ten men just to get his shot. The uncertainty that surrounds my absence from last weeks show has created that drama. I knew this would happen. Hey, I’m not knocking it. Socrates himself said that pleasure is the ultimate goal in life.
He ponders the thought for a moment.
If you want to know why I wasn’t at the show…quite frankly it’s none of your business. My boss knows...I know. But what I can tell you is that I knew it would only propel me to high stardom. Now that I have your attention…
Mr. Tambourine Man pulls out a gun from his jacket pocket. He points it at his head.
Last week Wade Wilson…you put a gun to your head just like this…you threatened suicide, but ultimately decided that “life was too good” to shoot yourself. Maybe I think differently…
Mr. Tambourine Man’s hand begins to shake. Sweat is falling down his eyebrow as he grips the gun even harder.
Don’t worry…I wont shoot myself either. I don’ believe for one second that I can finish myself off just by pulling a trigger. See whether I love life or not is irrelevant. There’s nothing to love, don’t you get it! This is all an illusion. Particles rotating at the speed of light…what do you think’s going to happen when these particles stop moving? Huh?! You think that’s going to be the end of it? I doubt it my friend. I really doubt it. The pleasure our fans are after…That pleasure that you’ve claimed you’ve achieved, isn’t bound by physical existence. Neither is pain.
I’m in a place far removed from all this. Materials give me no satisfaction. You may ask then...why am I smoking a cigarette? Is this not hypocritical? To say that I get no satisfaction from materials, yet I’m inhaling the most addicting poising known to man… the answer is that smoking this cigarette reminds me that this idea…the physical…exists in some fashion. It exists only in my mind. George Berkley is famous for saying “to be is to be perceived.” If I didn’t smoke, if I didn't wrestle, my head would be up in the clouds buddy. I would be on a completely different plain. This cigarette is so important. You have no idea… This is the starting point. If I didn’t perceive this, I may not be able to perceive you. If Berkley is correct and ideas only exist in the mind... that means that from my perspective Wade Wilson doesn't exist until I perceive him. CGS doesn't exist until I perceive it. Nothing exists without me putting my mind to it...This whole world would crumble…
We fade to black
You can thank me.
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Subject: Mr. Tambourine Man 
Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:13 pm